Why Are You Still Single?

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It must be me. It was always me, I am needy, clingy, I have daddy issues, and I want to be literally handcuffed to the other person all the time. I know. That’s why I am single, that’s why men leg it so fast, they leave skid marks on the pavement and that’s the price every woman must pay in order to keep her marbles together in London. In the past month I was asked in total  of three times, the same age old question – Why are you still single? and again and again I find myself making up reasons why I haven’t got that special one (as opposed to other ‘normal’ people). It’s a short leap from mental illness and unlike in medicine there is no pill from singleness, there isn’t a pill which would whisk all your flaws,  they won’t prescribe you lobotomy and especially, they won’t hypnotise another person to love you.

There could be an algorithm to happiness, which is called online dating, but then can it calculate the divorce rate? Here’s the perfect match for you, you have 99% matches in music wine preferences, travels and books, however we strategically chose to not include points for neurosis, seasonal depression, bipolar tendencies, AADD, pathological lies, infidelity, fetiches and god knows what else that may come with the  package. I have always believed the universe prepared a surprise for me in a form of digital prince charming until he failed to turn up to the date. That was a sign impossible to ignore.

People ask me, are my standards too high? Well, define standards. Surely nobody starts a relationship with an attitude: she/he is a 6 after 5 beers. Of course, there is certain expectation in the significant other, unless you have no expectations of yourself and you will go down with pretty much anything anyone throws your way. Is fitness, intelligence, income, and good looks classify as unattainable standards? Is attentiveness, generosity, honesty and respect a high standard? We set standards according to our own, so shouldn’t people be asking me instead if I have such high standards for myself? Live a bit, stop learning that fourth language,  cancel your gym membership, take a pay cut, get fat. Can I have a relationship now? Probably not because numbers game is not an answer when searching for ‘the one’.

Is it me? Probably. Is that a problem? Probably not. Am I happy? Definitely yes. Thank you, stop asking why I am single.

 

Why Are You Still Single?

Life On The Singles’ Island Is a Life Worth Exploring

I like writing and reading satyrical articles, especially the ones which focus on dating and romance. When you read of someones unfulfilling experience, you gain a feeling of solidarity towards your fellow comrades in the battle called “happily ever after” . After being single for the first 3 years, you gain the new perspective on when to stop taking life too seriously. While each of us are perpetually wrestling our egos about whether we should take rejection personally or how many texts does one deserve in a week, life goes on and going out solo seems not such a bad idea after all.

After being single for the first 3 years, you gain the new perspective on when to stop taking life too seriously.

It might not be adaptable for everyone. Being single is an interesting concept. Many women choose abusive relationships rather than venturing out out on their own in search for something more fulfilling. It’s a risk everybody has to take, yet most of us don’t commit to taking this step because of the fear of unknown. I had a choice.

When my last serious boyfriend sheepishly announced that he wants to sleep with other girls, I was heart broken. I could have stayed in this casual “see where it takes us” tug of war, or I could move on and have a real shot at my happiness. Ironically 3 years later, he ended up in a committed relationships and I ended up dateless on the Saturday night. Lesson learned: if a guy suggests he doesn’t want exclusivity – it means he doesn’t want exclusivity with you. No amount of time or conquests will change this. But there were also other things.

With time I grew more comfortable and essentially happier being single than having to sacrifice my dignity to facilitate the need for companionship. In spirituality it’s called talking control of your own life. Did I manage ok? Absolutely not.

In my previous post I would explore different mini stories of my chance encounters with guys and how well it didn’t go. In the process of analysis, one thing became more evident than ever – in dating you take the leap of faith and no matter what, the joke is always on you and you may as well laugh at it. I fell for a street photographer who was rude to me once. I went out with a guy who called himself prince on the night I met him and who tricked me into paying for the whole dinner. For some it may sound tragic, for me it’s just a moment in time like everything else.

We must work on our inner conflicts if we wish for anything good for us to happen. How can we have successful relationships if we expect never to be hurt or have any arguments? What’s a good make up without a good fight right?

By making conscious observations after each failed relationship, I began noticing certain patterns, moments when it all went downhill, times when I fell for the wrong guy, moments when I let my ego overshadow my personality, moments when I knew it’s time to stop fighting, yet I continued. You can read all the books on dating in the world, when it comes to real life, it’s all about staying true to yourself, and if you don’t know who you are and what you want from your relationships, you can’t be fulfilled. Those who can’t do – teach, those who can – do.

Being single isn’t a curse, being single is really a blessing in disguise, because in the long run, the best relationship you can ever have is the relationship with yourself. 

Life On The Singles’ Island Is a Life Worth Exploring