How the Modern Approach to Dating Has Come Back to Bite Everyone in the Ass

Modern dating rituals are heavily saturated with social media. It’s not a surprise for anyone. In fact tinder and Match.com soon will become synonyms for finding love (or at least a date for the night). Something like google did with word “search” – we are no longer searching words online, we google them. Rules of dating have changed, and unfortunately for me, a dating dinosaur, I was kicked out of the dating game a long time ago and if anything comes along on my horizon, it would only be a learning experience, not an actual manifestation of love. I thought I’d share an event. Almost as rare as a solar eclipse, a supermoon, and a spring equinox – all happening on one day. I was asked on a date. And I said no.

I thought I’d share an event. Almost as rare as a solar eclipse, a supermoon, and a spring equinox – all happening on the same day. I was asked on a date. And I said no.

Long gone are the days of Victorian chivalry. It’s a statement. Not a sigh. Despite the romanticized version of 19th century, belle epoch and Anna Karenina, it’s very unlikely any modern woman would like to take a trip down the timeline to meet Mr. Darcy for a cup of tea. Regardless of how noble notion of love may appear in classical literature, woman’s life was wasn’t exactly a romantic novel. To cut to the chase without going into too much detail on history, let me say this – there was a good reason for feminists of the 20th century to break down the walls imposed by society and although it still may feel like we are fighting windmills, dear ladies, we have made a progress.

A young woman of today virtually have no boundaries when it comes to dating. We no longer have to wait for a guy to make the first move. We are strong independent ladies who have a right to go after anything we want, without anyone’s permission. No more waiting by the phone for the text to come through – if I need it I can send it first. Female emancipation has brought many positive changes to modern woman’s life but where does it leave men? Taking power into our hands just because we don’t like waiting for anything and because we *think* we have more courage than guys, doesn’t exactly spell success. If it’s so easy, then are there so many single women waiting for a guy to ask them out and guys never do? I had my answer last week. With women being so proactive and forward thinking, it never even occurred to me that there are young guys in their early twenties out there who literally have never asked a girl out – girls would always do it first.

Female emancipation has brought many positive changes to modern woman’s life but where does it leave men?

I’m not suggesting that women should suppress our fundamental right to practice our free will, I am saying that by taking away the pleasure of pursuit from men, we are training a generation of guys who need to go through 9 circles of hell when being faced with a reality of asking a girl out. And it’s not because guys aren’t brave. They are! Just some of them have no idea how it’s done. I mean if the antelope is coming straight into your pawns, why bother hunting? And I wish I was making this up.

Last week I witnessed the most heartbreaking attempt of asking me out ever. A guy, who’s name I won’t name for privacy reasons, nearly had a stroke trying to put words in his mouth which sounded pretty much like that – Yuna, will you go out with me? The guy looked in physical pain and it was almost just as painful to watch as it was for him to say it. What’s my problem you may ask? A guy asked me out, I should be flattered not horrified.

The problem was the following. For a handsome and fairly successful lad in his early twenties getting a girl is not a brainer. Sometimes I am really surprised by the audacity of younger guys approaching me in the most nonchalant manner, but this guy, as opposed to the latter, never had to do it. As I mentioned before, women are so unorthodox in the matters of the heart, it leaves no room for pursuit, for game playing or any proverbial mystery for that matter, and it’s not a good thing. I have said it before. I am old fashioned and I believe in gender role play. Despite adopting a feminist point of view, I am still a firm believer in pursuit. I also think that a guy should never be experiencing THIS amount stress when asking a girl out.

But may be I’m too conservative. May be I’m resisting the change, I mean I’m not even sure how this works in gay relationships. All I know, there is a whole new generation of young guys and girls who are inventing new relationship rules and I am just having hard time understanding it because I was born in 80s, who knows. The bottom line is, men and women roles in the society became blended and sometimes it hard to tell who’s supposed to do what. However I think it would still be nice if a guy asked me out in a way that does not give him a panic attack. Or may be… let’s just scrap the whole blog post because Katherine Hepburn put it much better in a fewer words… Who cares about rules anyway! In love – there are no rules.

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.

– Katherine Hepburn

How the Modern Approach to Dating Has Come Back to Bite Everyone in the Ass