Neil Strauss – THE GAME: Penetrating the secret society of pick up artist. (Regan Books, 2005)

For the past couple of weeks I was actively engaged in a certain piece of literature that not every men would willingly admit to have read. It was a book about a life of couple of pick up artist (PUA) building a community for men to master the art of seduction of women, or at least that’s how the story has started.

The first time I came across this mythical book was rather unexciting – it was sitting on my ex boyfriends bed side table. It was a statement book – BIG (insert she said joke here). Was it an omen that this relationship was doomed to fail? I didn’t need a book to tell me that. My ex casually explained that this book was lent to him by his flatmate and he hadn’t read it or intended to read it. I believed it because a) he said so b) he was a model and from what I learned later, he had no problem with getting laid. Not by me.

What do men want? The answer came to me in a form of joke, that sounded something like Women want everything – from one man, Men – want one thing from all women. And that’s true but before I get accused of feminism, allow me to elaborate.

Basically if any curious human being has ever browsed through a section of self help books, on purpose or wandered in by accident, doesn’t matter, they’s see rows and rows of books for women with enigmatic titles such as He’s Just Not That Into You or Why Men Love Bitches for example. Wait, they do?

By picking up on one of the books, I’ve discovered that there is a secret society of improved women, with perfect hair and manicures, in seductive lingerie giving fantastic blow jobs, at the same time they are mentally rational, intellectual, but not too smart, hard working, but finding enough time (on the top of round the clock beauty appointments) to please their men and refuse under no circumstance to be treated like hoes (except for when in bedroom because that’s where she really stands a chance of attaching a man to her).

No joke these books will awaken your new improved inner Stepford wife with guaranteed marriage proposal within max two years. And just when you think you’ve finally got your happy ending, if you wish to find out how keep your man interested in you for longer than a year and not running off to your younger colleague, please read my new book called “You Can’t”.

Women (and men,) I apologise, but it’s true, we all want to get married, and men want to have sex with as many women as possible. We can’t battle hundreds of thousands of years of biological evolution. We all want to sleep with each other. Yes, sometimes women, too, want only one thing from a guy. Morality you may ask? Morality is simply an attitude towards people whom we personally dislike (O. Wilde) so here you go.

However that wasn’t the daunting part. As I was secretly reading a book on how to seduce a man using carrot and a stick method and contemplating the trap for the next guy who speaks to me on Tinder, it suddenly hit me – there is a book out there that teaches men how to seduce a woman an get her into her panties. On the spot! Shocking.

How will I ever possibly leave the house and interact with a guy while simultaneously trying to guess whether he’s actuality into me or is he just playing routines? Now I was really afraid. Dating in this age is bad enough when a guy blows you off for not putting out on the second date (what happened to the 3rd date rule y’all! ), leave alone waiting for the whole week! This was almost like an insult to an injury. So I decided I will read the GAME and learn to spot warning signs before I was made into a social experiment.

I completely forgot that with good marketing you can sell ice to eskimos. Anything that sounds too good to be true, probably is. Had reading a clever book landed me a husband? Not that I’m aware of.  One major thing that every self help junky forgets – no amount of books will help you to fill that gaping hole inside. So if you are insecure neurotic single girl, a book written by self proclaimed expert won’t undo years of daddy issues. The urban advise would be – get your shit together first.

Having that little detail in mind, I knew I was partially protected from an army of casanovas trying to seduce and lure me into their love den with these ingenious pick up lines, as the author calls them, OPENERS. As I was digging my teeth into this 500 page holy script I became aware that in fact, rather few openers were used on me in the past. All unsuccessfully. Since then I came up with my own ingenious saying – you can’t open an bottle of Romanee Conti with a shit opener. Or something like that.

Why did these great guys fail? I’m not a psychic so I have no idea but I am a firm believer that being yourself still counts in this world, and being a woman in this world I would say that a guy stands a better chance of getting girls number simply by being nice guy instead of NEGing her and making her feel self conscious. True story.

So it’s not entirely a self help book. PHEW.

The more I was getting into the book, the less threatening it appeared to me. It was becoming obvious that it was just a great story, picked up by an author to ponder over the impossible question – what women want. And I’ve answered that earlier in the post.  I figured, unless I get hypnotised, I have no threat of being “seduced” by an amateur pick up robot who uses manipulation, intimidation and deception. But if you consider your self a nice guy who believes that women only give it up to bad boys, you are instantly doomed to fail as a pick up artist because “the douchebag”, unless you are natural at the GAMEAnd we’ve all dated these men.

I wasn’t dissapointed with the fact that this book didn’t become my secret weapon to beat guys at their own game or become an expert in men, not that I thought it was possible anyway! I breathe a sigh of relief that although media wants us to believe that there is a secret war between genders called who gets the power,  it’s not really a power unless you have win/win on your hands. Any other than that would mean loneliness and broken heart. Even pursuit of sex will become dull one day and all you will really want will be a person to have a great pillow talk (after great sex, obviously).

The key takeaways from the book.

1. Men like sex 

2. Men will go great lengths to get woman to have sex with them 

3. Somebody is making thousands of dollars on teaching how to pick up women

4. Nobody wins the GAME. But consolation prizes can be very erotic. 

Above all that, it’s a fun and easy read.

WARNING: Don’t keep it on your bedside table. Just in case.


The Gift Of Time

Every year, starting with the new years resolutions that last precisely until the pay day at the end of January, the whole northern hemisphere is waiting in anticipation the glorious 3 months of summer. People like to set mental deadlines for themselves and the major deadline starts on the 22nd of June with a greeting of calendar beginning of the summer. Not only summer is beaming with prospects of countless music festivals, BBQ and return of the smokers garden, but it could also mean finding that one missing link that will make your life complete – a new relationship, new job offer, new adventure or something as simple as better tan. It’s a fact. Everything seems better in summer. Then, we set another milestone for ourselves called Autumn. You tell yourself you won’t go out so much, you quit smoking in Stoptober, you’ll go the month without a drink, and eventually you’ll grow a moustache in November. Next thing you know it’s Christmas and that’s the way this wheel keeps on turning. However despite not being able to freeze the time, I drew a mental line at summer, and here’s why.

The funeral of summer to me starts with the first day of September. The reason for that would be simply because for the 12 years of my life, 1st of September signified the begging of the school year slash the end of freedom. Having in mind that it’s been almost ten years since I graduated from my high school, I feel the urge to celebrate this day every year with nostalgia towards the time when life was a lot simpler and dreams were still going strong. Although, thinking back, I hardly remember having any realistic dreams apart from being famous fashion designer or performer. Yet perhaps it was blessing in disguise because I had a fair chance to mold my life into whatever I wanted it to be without a risk of disappointing myself for not fulfilling my own expectations. Self nagging can be rather annoying sometime. Especially when you aren’t 100% sure who is this nagging voice inside your head! Regardless of what sentiment September brings, to me, this year, the month of September became the month to reflect rather than act. If not now, then I am afraid I’ll fast forward through something very important. How often can you take a gift of time? Put your life on hold, take two steps back and look at how far you’ve made it? What have you learned, what have you lost and found?

Imagine that moment you were born you jumped of the cliff. You can only fall down for a 100 years more or less, and the moment when you touch the ground, will also be the moment you die. Then why are we is such a hurry to fall faster or farther? Why not to take a breather and experience the bliss of a free fall?

Summer  2014 proved to be a cruel summer for many people including those who lived and those who passed. I was personally touched by a loss of a friend and I could not be more sure that sometimes,  the most wonderful time of the year , can also be the loneliest and the saddest time of the year. They call it “broken promise effect” when one is experiencing crushing disappointment of unfulfilled hopes that spring and summer fails to bring to the sufferer. True that we all have certain dreams associated with the velvet pleasure of summer afternoon sun, whether this is in a circle of friends, or in the company of your beloved, or simply enjoying the sweetness of chilled sauvignon blanc in the beach cafe while gazing at the horizon, listening to waves crashing at the shore, washing footsteps away. But what happens when the anticipated promised fun never ceased to appear? What if that trip never happens or that you didn’t meet that special somebody who will share those magical moments with you while kissing passionately on the London Bridge? Those little things that seem to make our life magical and worth living sometimes,for some unexplained reasons, don’t happen and does it really matter? Not if you don’t stop and ask yourself what could you have done differently, what did you need to do in order to make those things happen?

It’s impossible to experience on this melancholic summertime sadness without making a poetic interpretation of human experience and sometimes all so tragic human condition. This summer has been a summer of great changes, great losses, great hopes and great disappointments, as well as great lessons and great milestones. And I only know it because at some point I chose to press pause, get a cup of tea and relax. This may not be analogy applicable to everyone, but I’ll include it anyway. One wise man put life it this way: Imagine that moment you were born you jumped of the cliff. You can only fall down for a 100 years more or less, and the moment when you touch the ground, will also be the moment you die. Then why are we is such a hurry to fall faster or farther? Why not to take a breather and experience the bliss of a free fall?



The Gift Of Time