Looks like topic of death is not going away. Malaysian Airlines tragedy has a heartbreaking and a very sinister side to it. It made me think about the worth of human life and fragility of human body. When people leave our lives permanently, they get stuck in a weird limbo between past and the future. Some people would also call it present, the only problem – with death there is no present.

You memory holds you hostage in the past and your wishful thinking leaves a vacuum feeling in your future. Either way you can’t be.

Malaysian Airlines MH17 tragedy is a horrific example of everything that’s wrong with modern world. Hunger for power and control that sees no boundaries. This crash basically dismisses everything we have fought for all these years, especially acknowledgement of value of the innocent human life. I can’t even tell which emotion has stronger presence in me – anger, grief, fear, utter helplessness, more anger. Blame game that is being played by politicians this moment doesn’t make it any easier to pick any sides. If there is anything in this political hot potato that can be good for the world, is seeing how nobody is innocent in this war. Too late for good cop/bad cop games. Right now our task is to try and avoid Franz Ferdinand moment of 1914.

No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. – Albert Einstein

298 people perished in the air at the moment of attack. 298 lives and each of them had a change to change the world, make the difference, save life, create life and make somebody very happy. And that isn’t even enough to define the value of what one human life can make. Life that sparked in a blink of an eye, been taken away just as swiftly. Media does a good job showing us raw facts about the fate of MH17 passengers, or more precisely, what is left of them. Speaking profoundly of the deceased yet forgetting that these people had private lives up till the moment when photographs of their corpses were wildly shared on social media. From one angle – it’s a sharing of the information, from another – it’s a severe breach of privacy at the worst timing possible.

Body parts scattered across the sunflower field. That’s all. These are just bodies now, merely an organic material that decomposes just as anything else that has expiration. Just yesterday they were somebody’s father, son, daughter, wife, boyfriend. What do you call them now? Body of somebody who used to be? Yet our fascination with death is insatiable. Knowing we will all pass away sooner or later, we still can’t help but try to come as close to death as possible, especially if it has nothing to do with us. I can only think of one word – curiosity. But this post isn’t about our grounded instincts, it’s about people who didn’t die in a dignified way, in the midst of nasty war without a cause, a war that can’t be won.

No matter who the executioner is or was in this tragedy, calling these people animals would be an insult to an animal. If pure evil exists, this is what it looks like.

Also little is being spoken of the fact that about 100 of the passengers were on their way to the AIDS 2014 conference held in Melbourne, among them some of the leading researchers of the field. Perhaps stating that the cure to AIDS was on that plane, regardless in what form, isn’t exaggeration. Conspiracy or not, this particular loss is not only loss for individual families, it’s a massive loss for humanity. It caries an incredibly dark irony. It also caries awfully bitter understanding that we’ve lost the battle of good and evil.

And it’s not the first time in our history this happened. That land has seen lots of horrid history through the centuries. It caries a dark shadow. Little known fact, but this land is a witness of immense suffering of people who perished under the soviet regime in early 1930s in a man made famine that killed up to 7.5 million Ukrainians. While media is accentuating the idyllic picture perfect view of a sunflower fields, the horror that lurks in there is bone chilling and cannot be comprehended under no circumstances. The people in the photograph above are just miners who worked hard all their lives underground, now are being summoned to perform this morbid task of collecting death that came from the sky. Ironic little sad world it is.



About Death Part 2

It was one of those nights when due to any possible unforeseen circumstance I am not sleeping. Mostly for two reasons – first and the most important is pesky dry cough that seems to be ruling my life and possibly everyone else’s living in the same flat (and a lesbian couple in the flat next door) and the second is possibly full moon that’s been having a strange effect on me since I was a little girl. In order to  get through the night and not create a sleepless night for my flatmates, I made a decision to move into the kitchen with a massive cup of peppermint tea that appears to be the only cure to my cough.

It’s not the first sleepless night I’ve had this week. Few days ago I learned that a very dear man in my life had passed away under tragic circumstances that prompt me to write a blog entry on death which was a little less that I wanted to say and a little more that people would like to know. Since it’s 3 am,  it’s full moon outside and I think my abdominals are more defined from coughing for the past 3 hours, I am submerging in a rather mystical mood and this is a totally new thing to me.

“When he shall die,
Take him and cut him out in little stars,
And he will make the face of heaven so fine
That all the world will be in love with night
And pay no worship to the garish sun.”

― William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

What happens after we die? Nobody really knows. There are numerous legends about what happens to the soul once it leaves the body. You go to heaven or hell. You may reincarnate into another living being. Or may be, as I mentioned in my previous post, you wake up from the dream and continue your existence on a new dimension? All of this thinking is a true brain wreck. Most spiritual teachers would tell you your soul becomes a part of the whole or the divine source and in the quote above my dear William is implying exactly that and this is why I love this quote so much.

Romeo is now shinning the light on his Juliet at night and day, even when she can’t see him. Romeo will be in the raindrops landing on a leaf so when she wants to kiss him, she can gently place her lips upon it to feel his wet lips against hers.  And when she will be rolling on the grass, she will feel his gentle touch against her skin. All of the sudden death is no longer tragic. It creates a new meaning for loss and grief that we experience after losing someone close to us.

The beauty of such thinking isn’t form of denial, quite the opposite, it’s a form of acceptance of the fact that we come and go as naturally as sun raises in the morning and dusks in the evening. Hardly anyone chooses when they must leave this existence, yet tragedy truly lies in suicide. Hardly a favourable choice but still a choice which chills me to the bone and it’s not because it makes me face my own temporality as a human being, but the thought process that happened in the head of the deceased. Not that I am totally unfamiliar with the intention, but  there is certain power in these four simple words –this too shall pass. That no matter how dark is the night, sun will always rise and this too shall pass. And the thing after this.

In the loving memory of Neil.

A beautiful man who lived so briefly yet shone so brightly.

I will never forget you.



About Death Part 2

About Death Part 1

“Death’s got an Invisibility Cloak?” Harry interrupted again.
“So he can sneak up on people,” said Ron. “Sometimes he gets bored of running at them, flapping his arms and shrieking…”
― J.K. RowlingHarry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

People are terrified of death because facing death makes us face our own temporality on this planet. Death of a close person shatters our idea of life as a continuous horizontal line delicately flowing wrapping around things like presents from the moment we were born till the moment we die. And when this shift in perspective happens, we stop seeing world as horizontal time line – life gains depth, becomes richer in experience and we realize we can feel something we’ve never felt before – aliveness within ourselves along with empty spaces that you think you will never be able to fill. May be they aren’t meant to be filled.

Nobody really dares to think  about dying. Subject of death must be avoided at all costs because we don’t want to think about losing our parents, grandparents, friends, people we care about but as life goes on these things happen and we act surprised although we’ve always known this will happen to all of us, as Benjamin Franklin said  there were only two things certain in life: death and taxes.

However with taxes you can cheat the system, with death. Enough said.

Perhaps fact of death itself isn’t a great surprise, may be the surprise is that life continuous after death of our loved ones. We still have to go to work, spring always turns up, babies are born. You are surprised you can still live after they die although you never imagined you could. And even when we die, even then life will continue, even without us and you can’t be sure you are still here tomorrow.

Whether it’s accidental or contemplated action, death it’s real, except we choose to believe it happens to everyone but us. Wise people are talking about how we should live each day to the full because tomorrow might never come, others say there is no tomorrow, that tomorrow is just now and everything you make of right now. Either way, one thing is certain, we always must do what makes us happy. Every day, every minute, every second. Think about how this thing you are doing right now make you feel, if it sucks then do things that you love and do them well right now is all that matters. Searching for meaning in life is pointless because no matter what you find, it will never satisfy you.

We really begin to live the moment we stop fearing death. We fear death not because we don’t know what happens after you die, but because we are curious what may happen if we live. Of course, we are instinctive creature and we live on self preservation, but at the same time we walk on the edge of razor blade almost every day of our lives never really knowing when we are going to slip.

We fear death not because we don’t know what happens after you die, but because we are curious what may happen if we live.

I must say, I love life but I am also not afraid to die either. And to think about it, life is just series of attachments to things, names, stories, people, places etc. So really, we aren’t afraid of death, we are afraid of losing all those things because we don’t really know what we’ll be without them. And do we know for a fact we aren’t all dreaming. May be death is just something that wakes us up from this dream called life?


About Death Part 1